Do you hear or do you listen?

Welcome to Discuss HR, the blog written for and by members of Human Resources UK.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... Do you read my introductions or do you just skip to the good bit?  If you do read my intros you’re probably a glutton for punishment, but you may also listen rather than hear people.  Today Jill Hart-Sanderson discusses how to listen. (Ed Scrivener)

Do you hear or do you listen?

It’s a busy day. You need to get a report finished to present to the CEO, your in-tray is groaning and your phone rings. The person on the end of the phone needs to talk. He has reached the end of his tether. The relationship with his manager has totally broken down and he feels mistreated and angry.

Sometimes, particularly in large organisations employees are discouraged from discussing issues with their HR department and only make contact as a last resort. By the time you receive the phone call the employee can be very upset and irrational - ready to walk out and go to tribunal to resolve their dispute. It’s therefore essential that the initial phone call is handled with care and sensitivity and most importantly the employee feels really listened to.

To really listen to someone you need to be able to do more than hear their words. It is widely accepted that what is said verbally is only 17 % of the story. Body language and tone play a much more important role (57% and 20%) so a face to face discussion is much better way to really listen to someone and identify facts and feelings.

When we are time pressured it can be easy to forget that a person on the end of the phone may have had many sleepless nights before calling and an interruption to our precious time can be irritating. However, by really listening at the initial stages can potentially resolve a problem before the need for the employee to go to tribunal.

How do you feel when you are really listened to? What’s the difference between hearing and really listening and how do we do it? A few years ago I came across Time to Think by Nancy Kline. It’s a great book that gets really explains the art of listening.  One of the key learnings for me was how interrupting stops the thinking process. When I’m really listening to someone if I feel the urge to interrupt, I stop and hold my thought. Once the other person is finished I then ask myself what is it I want to say, why am I saying it - is it useful, is it necessary?

I also found out that pauses in conversations can be amazing. While sometimes silence can feel uncomfortable and our natural reaction can be to fill it, a pause is essential thinking time.

So what do you think makes a good listener? Here are the things I try to remember when I’m really listening:

• don’t interrupt
• don’t judge
• don’t agree or disagree
• ask open questions
• establish facts
• clarify the key communications

What else do you think is important?

It’s only by truly understanding the reasons behind someone’s actions that we are able to help them find solutions. Helping people find their own solution is much more powerful and effective than handing out advice.

Are you good at listening? What have you achieved by really listening to someone?

About the author

Jill is passionate about using creativity to unlock people’s potential, finding practical solutions that make a real difference to organisations. Her extensive management experience in both the public and private sector combined with HR consultancy has given her a real insight into how great HR can transform individuals and businesses.

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Discuss HR is the blog for Human Resources UK, the leading LinkedIn group for those involved with HR in the UK.  Next week’s Discuss HR will be published on Thursday 23^rd February and will be written by experienced HR professional Sheena McLullich.

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