Kathleen Wynne's summer tour

The announcement from Queens Park on August 9, 2013 that Premier Kathleen Wynne was launching a tour of eight communities across Ontario sounded a lot like a press release for a rock band. The only thing missing was what songs she would sing from the Liberals’ various song books since they lost their lead singer, Dalton McGuinty. 
   This writer suspects she won't be singing the “Gas Plant Blues” or her personal big hit, “If you knew Dalton like I knew Dalton” but this intermittent Agriculture Minister and intermittent leader of the Libs Party band will surely sing some of the big hits for her loyal followers.
   The rumours are that this will be a dedication tour to some of the people surrounding the Liberal Party that have made it such a hit with the voters of Ontario.  One of the songs we expect to hear when she tours Cobourg, Brockville, Orillia, Kitchener-Waterloo, Vaughan, Thornhill, Cornwall and Belleville is a cover of  “I’m Sorry”, the Brenda Lee classic, with a special dedication to the Ontario taxpayers who have absorbed so many of the Liberal's multi-billion dollar scandals, but keep voting for the party.

Will Kathleen Wynne sing the famous, "I'm sorry"?
   She will probably also sing “Up on the Roof” by the Drifters to thank the renewable energy crowd for all of their propaganda during election campaigns; she is unlikely to sing “It's Over” or “Heatwave” (don't want to remind people that GWG ain't happening) or the Connie Francis classic, “Everybody's Somebody's Fool” (just in case the media are paying attention).
   No doubt she will also sing  “Mr. Lonely” by Bobby Vinton and will dedicate that one to Dalton McGuinty, who is now at Harvard teaching classes of future politicians; or, if she is feeling a little more upbeat at the time, perhaps the audience will hear “He's so fine” by the Chiffons.  This writer also expects a special dedication to McGuinty's helper, Laura Miller, via a redo of that old Platters classic, “Smoke gets in your eyes” for her dedicated work at keeping the Liberal spin machine going.
   We would expect the opening set to include a cover of the Buddy Holly hit, “That'll be the day” as a putdown of the Tim Hudak Crew, and “My Prayer”, the Platters classic, as a plea to her buddy, Andrea Horwath, to hang around until the “viral gas infection” dissipates.
   The closing set will no doubt include the Conway Twitty hit of the fifties, “It's Only Make Believe” which is sure to get the Liberal tweeters up and tweeting on their cell phones.   That should create the mood for Wynne's big finish which is sure to be led off with a rendition of the Leslie Gore, “It's My Party,” followed right away by,  “Leader of the Pack” by the Shangri Las.  These last two songs will  be meant to tell the audience that she is the new Lib leader! 
   The big question on everybody's mind is, will Andrea Horwath, Wynne’s agent and helpmate, decide that this will be the Wynne Libs final tour?   Only time will tell!

Parker Gallant,
August 10, 2013

The foregoing is of course a spoof by the writer meant to provide light entertainment to the reader and in no way is it to be taken as a putdown of the new Wynne-led Ontario Liberal Government, or of her singing ability.
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