Monday, September 30, 2013

Carwyn Jones the supermarket manager

This is a frighteningly accurate portrait from the Welshnot website of the Welsh Labour leader and First Minister and one which sits well with the majority of Welsh voters as poll after poll shows Carwyn is the most popular politician in Wales. But even the most popular supermarkets needs fresh ideas and leadership now and again as Tesco is proving.

The article in full is below and starts "The smile of Carwyn Jones is a remarkable thing.

It’s the kind of smile which lowers room temperature; which puts distant cattle on edge. It’s that icy thin smile; a tool of the trade for all good middle-managers.

And if you’re a supermarket chain looking for a safe pair of hands; someone to run a small regional store – Carwyn Jones is your man. He’ll keep it ticking over. He won’t cause a fuss.

He’s the chummy boss you’ll see wandering the aisles, being jovial and smiling his icy thin smile at customers and occasionally pointing at bits of cardboard that need tidying away.

He’ll share some awkward banter with the security guard. He’ll suck his teeth and listen intently to employees’ concerns: low pay, poor morale, lack of security. He hears you.

He’ll nod sympathetically and make consoling noises. He may even say something vaguely critical about those people in head office – they just don’t understand.

And then he’ll shuffle off back to his office and fiddle with his walkie talkie and read car reviews on the Internet.

Because Carwyn understands the essential rule of middle management – to do nothing. Don’t cause a fuss. Don’t try to be clever. If you really must do something, make sure it doesn’t affect anyone above you.

Keep it superficial. Rearrange things. Change colours. Swap things around. Buy an airport. Do things to make it look like you’re doing things – but do nothing.

This is the genius of Carwyn Jones. A man who runs Wales in the style of a supermarket branch manager. 

He understands his job description. He’s not there to change or to challenge – he’s there to maintain the policies of head office. And that’s a small group of people in London. 

They’re the people who once made it their policy to remove the Welsh language from Wales. They’re the people who introduced us to the glory of the free market. Who switched off our heavy industries.

They’re the people who decide which wars our teenagers should kill and be killed in. These were once powerful people. They had their own empire – but now they only have a sickly brand of Britishness to peddle.

And that’s what Carwyn does. However deranged or damaging their policies and attitudes are to Wales – it’s Carwyn’s job to maintain them. 

To go out and about – to listen to our concerns, to sympathise and to smile his icy thin smile. And then to shuffle off back to the Welsh Assembly – and do nothing."
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